Subdued


The silence suffocates

Quiet chokes.

My thoughts are all that fill this void.

The darkness consumes

Lying here

The demons overjoyed.

I can hear my breathing

May it cease.

My heart to stop in equal time.

The beating bloodline

Louder still

The lonely pantomime.

Kill now this silence please

Fill it up.

My ears brimmed with happy noises.

The laughing children

Lovely wife

The finest of voices.

Bring them all back to me

My loved ones.

My home be filled with noise renewed.

The chaos glad

Playful muse

The empty heart subdued.

War

That moment of peace
That calm in the storm
When you think of the release
And the racing thoughts form.

Bombardment out of the air
Twisted wicked in your mind
Seemingly out of nowhere
True thoughts left behind.

Urging you onward
To carry through.
Filling you with the wrong word
“Do what you must do.”

Call upon the angels
Cry out to God above
He’ll rescue you from this painful
Moment with His love.

Doubled down the attack
Dark forces reconvene
Throwing you off track
With thoughts in between
Darkness and light
The wrong and the right
Confusion settles in
Temptation within
Deep the battle rages
Into the night.

“No one will miss you
You’re being dramatic.”
“That is not true.”
In between is static.
The battle is erratic.
“You’re not strong enough
Life’s too rough”
Thoughts are automatic.

“Be still”
You hear
Breaking your will
And killing your fear.
Chaos ensues
Evil hates to lose.
Raging darker deeper
Evil is a sleeper
Who gets worse towards the end
Willing to send
The darkest thoughts ever deeper
Down you descend.

“Be still”
You hear again
“This is not My will”
You feel insane
These voices in your head
The battlefield not red
With blood
Only strewn with broken dreams.

You wake up
Unstable as hell
Tears erupt
Shaking a hallow shell
Of a man who once was standing
Long before he fell.
Finding your Foundation
You rise
Stronger for the next invitation
The demons will devise.

Idols

Idols fall one by one.

Purged by a loving God.

Ripped from my heart

Like a barbed hook.

I see them sitting

On the shelf of my heart

Demanding sacrifice

Wanting my soul

With every look.

I am consumed

Taken

And eaten alive.

Shoveled into the mouths

Of those which cannot speak

Or hear my screams.

Never satisfied

They offer no mercy

Feasting endlessly

On my bones.

I am blind

I see but a few

In darkness they reside

Churned ceaselessly

From my heart inside.

Some grotesque

Some veiled in beauty

Large and small

All with one goal:

To destroy me.

Hour by hour

I require delivery

Safety

A shield

A Savior from the wretched mouths

Of these wicked beasts

Of my own making.

Little gods

Insatiable

Built in my heart

Pernicious

Obstinate

Devouring my time

My thoughts

My energy,

Replacing what is good

With the less than

And the outright evil.

Balance

Skidding, sliding, turning, nothing sensible at all.

How do we keep from falling?

We’ve got balance in our heads, liquid in our ears, and a trillion tiny sensors in our bodies.

Yet we tumble at times.

Finite.

Creatures.

Limited by physics, time, and space.

Awful are the days spent listing, turning, spiraling through unknown waves.

Suspense.

Drama.

What does tomorrow hold? No one knows.

But we hope.

Wait.

Pray.

It will be a better day than today.

If only we can find our balance.

Within our heads, ears, and bodies.

As uncooperative as they may be,

At times,

Hindered by nature,

And our unbalanced thoughts.

Tumult and Chaos

Tumult and Chaos,

Textures and noise,

Overwhelmed with the beauty

Found in the disasters

Of life.

No peace

But still calm

Sitting in the drowning

Stress of days

Spent wandering.

Tumult and chaos,

Textures and noise,

Overwhelmed but still standing

Walking on the edge

Of life.

All for naught

Or is it?

Surely time in a crucible

Can’t turn us out

Worse than before.

Tumult and Chaos,

Textures and noise.

Overwhelmed but listening

For the small voice

Of Christ.

All photos taken with a Canon D5500 with the “Night Vision” setting and resized with Picsart.

Fail to Smile

Writer’s block and too busy this week. It was a strain just to get Wednesday out. You probably noticed…

So here is an ancient poem. I am not sure what I was thinking at the end. Guess I thought it was cool?

Fail To Smile

2/16/00

She has straight teeth that fail to smile,
For life is too short,
Running straight and in file.
She has eyes that fail to blink,
For what she might miss.
Her ship comes in only to sink,
And she cries little more than once a week,
At all the things she’s done.
Going back for more each night,
She cries herself to sleep.
To wake she will fight,
Her eyes hidden away from light,
Struggling for them to keep
Shut.

No words could utter as mad as her eyes,
No thoughts her pain could realize.
She lives out at sea,
Blue as the sea,
Calm as the breakers against the skies.

LoveherdearsweeteyescompleteherlifeIpray.
Ifonlyshewascontentandnotjustsatisfied.
ButwhoamItosay?
Isithearingherlipsfortheyhavesighed.
HowamItopray?

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Jeaux

I wrote this back when I still thought she was going to get over me. Yeah right…. Since she is back after being gone three weeks I am not making a fancy post today.

Enjoy this, it’s slightly embarrassing.

“Jeaux”

Looking into your eyes,
I realize,
That life is long and beautiful,
When I can spend its days with you.
Those eyes,
As deep as heaven’s pools,
As bright as a virgin snowfall,
Show me the future,
When I will walk into a small shop in a big town,
Just a curious visit,
And I see you,
Sitting there,
Smiling,
Lost in a dream,
And I will look you in the eyes and say,
“So Jeaux, got any Dylan vinyl?”
And you will look at me and smile and say,
“I knew someone once, Bob was his name.”
And I’ll reply,
“So Jeaux, I see you got your shop.”
And we will reminisce,
I will search the vinyls, the incense(notably vanilla and eucalyptus), the teas, the coffees,
And then I will turn to you,
Kiss you full on the mouth,
And admit how much I’ve missed you over the years,
Life without the love we share wouldn’t be life,
Love without you wouldn’t be love,
The sea is nothing without its salt,
And I am nothing without you.

You Know Me

Getting told what I already know

But I deny,

You know me

And make me cry.

You know me.

You know me better than I know me,

You read all the lines I try to hide in the book of my mind,

Without me speaking a single word.

You see my actions and know my motives,

When I am unaware I acted at all.

You add flesh to the bones of my thought,

Even the thoughts I didn’t know I had

Until you poked them out.

You know my fears,

My insecurities,

And when I share,

My ambitions.

You know my needs,

Though not my wants,

Which I only tell in extreme conditions.

You know me,

Though I hardly seem to know you at all.

I’ve spent too much time navel gazing.

Too much time inside,

Always hearing but never listening,

With ears plugged with pride.

You know me,

I thought I knew me,

But I lied.

I don’t know anyone really.

Passion

If passion was clothing,

We’d never be naked…

Some feelings are too immense for words,

Too painfully explosive to cross one’s lips.

And when they dare breach that threshold,

They tumble out jumbled and quivering from exhaustion.

They dance around in one’s head,

Jumping to a feverish pitch,

Wanting to consume their object,

Wanting to be one with it,

To mold atom into atom,

To literally be it.

Love is called a fire,

One is said to burn with passion,

To be consumed with it,

To be enraptured by its object.

Love is terrifying in its power,

In its ability to empty one’s mind,

And fill it with nothing but thoughts about the beauty and loveliness of another.

Love has the power to consume hours,

To make time disappear,

As one lies in the arms of another.

Love is a power,

A force,

A thing not to be trifled with.

It is a terrible monster,

Lying in wait,

Waiting to pounce upon two people when they are least expectant,

Waiting to consume them and make them act with insanity.

Love is an action.

Driven by a will to serve another.

Undergirded with a passion to make the other immensely,

And insatiably,

Happy.

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