Forward Thinking

Insert random stock photo which is actually my photo…because it looks cool.

So many sayings start with “there are two types of people…” We all know there are in fact more than two types of people, but simplification makes us happy. So I will start with it too:

There are two types of people in this world: the ones who live for today, and the ones that live for tomorrow. I am the latter, my wife is the former. It has only recently struck me how much this affects the way we interact with the world and each other. 

We drive each other a little crazy sometimes I think. She can’t understand why I am worrying about three months from now when I literally can’t do anything about it. “We’re not guaranteed tomorrow” she says. Which is a good point. Every day is a gift. I should stop and enjoy right now, because eventually I’m going to run out of right nows. 

She drives me nuts with her laissez-faire attitude about planning. She plans, but those plans are so loose to me. If it happens it happens. No sense making solid plans, because that can only lead to disappointment when they don’t come to pass. 

Too many solid points from that woman. I do end up disappointed far too frequently. My plans don’t allow for reality. I spend so much time planning that dreams become my reality. I know she faces disappointments, everyone does. But hers only seem to last a moment, maybe a few days or weeks, but mine seem to drag on indeterminately. 

So which is “better”, her way of thinking or mine? 

Forward thinking drives a lot of innovation and progress in this world (cliche much?).  But if one forgets to work on today, they aren’t going to do well in the future world they are building in their head. Tomorrow will keep coming and going with nothing but more plans and hopes to show for it.

Living in the moment can spare one from the disappointment of dashed plans. But sometimes the current moment is a miserable one. And when the current moment is miserable sometimes all that gets one through that terrible moment is thinking about the future. Most people living in the moment are actually doing something productive as well. They aren’t busy thinking too much about what they are going to eat next week, but surprise surprise, by the time next week gets here they are still eating.

I happen to think God put us together knowing full well we need each other’s perspectives. I really need to slow down and enjoy right now, and if right now is rubbish, she could benefit from my future thinking. I need to work right now, so that the future is smoother, and she needs to think about a better future to motivate her current work, when that work is tedious and seemingly unproductive. 

There are more than two types of people in this world, but when opposites live under the same roof, I have to think Providence is at play. We have much to learn from each other. We’ll start the lesson tomorrow…. or today…

Dailyish Thoughts #92

I have missed art. Running myself ragged everyday has left little time to sit still and focus on capturing an image with paint or pencil. Writing posts is nothing like sitting still for awhile and just focusing on an object and studying it’s lines and shapes and trying to interpret them onto paper.

We learned about driver fatigue today in bus training. I have spent so much of my recent life fatigued and I didn’t even realize it. Every symptom of fatigue they described was something I have felt on a daily basis for years. Long term fatigue is dangerous to physical and mental health. Sometimes you just have to shut down your life and take a nap. Don’t be afraid that life is going to pass you by while you sleep, it will be much easier to keep up with if you are rested.

So this weekend is a break for me, at least from the stress of trying to make money. I need to catch up on the house and yard work I have been avoiding.

Eek, there is so much!

Oh, and while I have your attention, please check out this GoFundMe from a Facebook acquaintance and consider giving:

https://www.gofundme.com/u7wjs-adoption-of-run-lin

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Dailyish Thoughts #88

They say when it rains it pours. For once I would like both of my cars to be operating correctly at the same time. They have gotten to the point where maintenance is more than just changing the oil. Now it’s brake pads and rotors and calipers and sensors and filters and pumps and belts and radiators and alternators… All while the rest of the bills are still begging to be paid.

Life hasn’t gone as smoothly as I hoped it would. As a natural pessimist who has been working on his positivity recent predicaments haven’t exactly helped boost confidence. It’s practically impossible to be an optimist when nothing you work on seems to turn out right.

I know this isn’t a happy post. Blog posts are supposed to be uplifting and make the reader feel better about life. Well. I’m a realist. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes I have horrible days. I don’t want my site to be nothing but sunshine and roses because that’s fake. I don’t like lying to people, when things are good they are good, when they are bad they are bad.

Today wasn’t all bad. The kids had a ton of fun harvesting candy from the local neighborhood. For the first in a long time I was able to smile genuinely at their happiness. Seeing them happy and excited makes me genuinely happy.

Hansel (he’s so hot right now), the youngest Gryffindor student, and a punk faerie.

Perhaps tomorrow will go better, Lord willing.

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Dailyish Thoughts #86

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Trauma comes in a lot of forms. Sometimes it’s just the building up of a hundred little disappointments or frustrations. These can add up over time and spill over as something ugly. Don’t ignore those little things. Don’t push them down or deny their power to tear you up.

Went to my first bus training yesterday. Turns out because I already have my license I don’t need the training. So no paid training for two weeks when the actual school bus driving portion begins. So now I have to kill two weeks.

But two weeks is a good amount of time to catch up on all the cleaning and yardwork I have been away from for so long. Yay.

And plenty of time to hone my Postmates skills. And now, Doordash has been added to the list. I’ll post about it sometime.

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Dailyish Thoughts #77

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There are definitely days you just have to give up and be lazy. I’m done. So done. I can’t fix the truck, I can’t even look at it. The house is a constantly moving mass of junk. The kids…. well, they are kids. I only have three right now, the others went out of town with their mom. That means I am alone, with one broken car, no debit card (long story), no income, a house full of never ending projects, a sick dog, a lumpy bed, and not nearly enough beer. So updating my photo blog for the next couple weeks, cleaning out my phone, and just generally being lazy is in order. At least for tonight.

I have found a chick singer who encompasses all the chick singers I have been listening to for the past 20 years (am I that old?). I may be in love. Sorry, hun.

Anyone want to buy a Ford Expedition? Aside from some unidentified motor issue, it’s in really good shape!

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Dailyish Thoughts #76

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Productivity doesn’t always fit into a perfect definition. Some days you are “productive” because you got one large task done. Other days, a dozen small tasks fit the bill. Some days it feels like no matter how many small tasks you have done along with a couple big ones, you really weren’t “productive”. Today was one of those days. I suppose I should find some joy in the little accomplishments, even when it feels like ten steps forward, fifteen steps back.

The brakes are…fixed? I got the caliper put on, and new pads in both front wheels, but man are they still clanky. I replaced the one sensor with a new one since it was still under warranty. Still no luck. It idles like the motor wants to jump out. Give it gas, it’s fine, but I can’t really sit at stop lights with Uber passengers with a motor that seems like it could go at any moment.

At this point I’d just like to sleep. But my internal clock is still two hours behind it seems. And my mattress is the most lumpy thing I have ever slept on, and I’ve slept many nights in cow pastures and firelines.

But hey, I ran two miles this morning. With the elevation difference I was able to shave three minutes off my average mile time. So yay me!

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The Groans of Settling

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Staring at a mountain of mess is not something you want to do when you come home. It’s even worse when it hasn’t been home for half a year. Those million annoyances I mentioned the other day make settling back into life much much more difficult than it ought to be.

In my head I had left the house much cleaner. I worked really hard the couple weeks before we left to get it ready. But when we walked in it was just scary. The way this house looked when we walked in is just another indicator that stress makes hard work far less efficient. Apparently I had just spun my wheels in February and March. Sure, I fixed the broken truck (this is beginning to sound like a broken record), but I let other things slide.

The best part of returning here is that after six months so much of this stuff has lost it’s usefulness to me. I haven’t seen it or touched it or used it in half a year. Why do I really need it? How much of our junk do we just keep because “one day” we might find use for it again? I have realized that is a very pauperish thing to do. Poor people keep things and re-use things almost compulsively. This is not wrong, when the situation calls for it. But when you have the resources to replace broken things or pass along unused things without having to “worry” about replacing them later, you should. I have not used so much of this stuff, why hang on to it when I can give it to someone who can, and if I need it later simply replace it?

Emotions are fickle also. I said I liked it out there and wasn’t so sure of here. But now that I am here I am not so sure. There are advantages to having the grocery store two miles away. There are also disadvantages to having fast food and shopping so close. There are temptations galore!

The biggest question right now is this: Is this vacation or is this life? when you spend equal time in different places it almost feels like you take on two different lives. We have different friends, different activities, different styles. It almost feels like we are entirely different people out there.

Settling in to a “new” place takes time. I’m still not sure this is home or not. But for now it will have to do.

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