Daily Thoughts #68

Been one of those days. Near panic attack in the morning, still broke truck in the afternoon, and then a porcupined dog in the late afternoon. I suppose you could say I was productive?

One more week. Probably why my body is in flight mode. There really is not a whole lot to do, at least not stuff that I can do right now. So shut up body!

Again I am forever grateful for YouTube. If you need to fix it, there’s probably a video, whatever “it” is.

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Home

A garden perhaps?

What makes a home a home?

For some it’s the noise of children, laughter, a crowd of family and the bustle of life. For others it’s smells: food cooking, trees and flowers, clean linens on a line.

For me?

I don’t know.

I’m on the precipice of moving back to the place that I called home for nearly ten years. But it doesn’t feel like I am headed home.

There is much I love about that place. There are people that I love, places that I love, and since driving Uber and delivery my intimacy with the city has grown. I know it in and out and I find every corner special in its own way. And the opportunities! Such a massive place with so many people and so many corners, there is food, nightlife, art, music, shopping, and jobs galore!

Yet, it still lacks something.

The place I grew up has long ago lost its “home” feeling, despite the family and friends that I have there. As soon as I left, the whole area changed. I get lost there now. I can’t stand the weather. The traffic is unbearable. There is a rush and a bustle which I have long since lost my stomach for.

Here? This is probably the only place I have ever been where no one says they want to leave. I have met more people and gotten to know them in the past six months than I ever have anywhere I have lived. The community here makes this place feel like home. For the first time in my life I feel like I am in a place where I can know and be known.

Of course I am conflicted. We have no physical home here like we do in Florida. Despite feeling home here I have yet to feel settled. But going back there for a season isn’t exactly settled. Back and forth is flux. And my mind is not good with flux.

But moving is change. And my mind is not big on change either.

And family? We have gotten accustomed to 700 miles away from them. This would be nearly 2,000. That’s hardly a short trip, and a family of seven can’t just hop on a plane easily, not with the cost of tickets these days.

So is this home? Could this be home? Am I just so unsettled I’m desperate to call something “home”?

I hope to find out the answers to those questions in the next few months.

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Daily Thoughts #67

The kids got cookbooks. This is me as a cookie…

It doesn’t matter how much I do, my overreacting brain is going to make my body believe it is being chased.

I need to disabuse myself of the notion that everyone else has their lives perfectly together. We all fail sometimes, and quite a few of us aren’t as organized or put together as we might let on. I need to give myself a little more grace.

It’s officially cold here… Ugh…

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Daily Thoughts #66

I feel poor sometimes, and perhaps by definition I am. But then I actually spend time with someone who has been poor for awhile and I realize not just what I have, but how ungenerous I am. You want to meet a generous person? Go find someone who is barely getting by.

Apple harvests can be a painful endeavor. I’m grateful for ibuprofen and Arnicare.

As crazy as they can be, I personally think I have some good kids. It makes me feel ashamed sometimes how non-judgmental they are when I am positive my face can’t hide anything. It doesn’t even matter if I am not thinking judgey thoughts, I can feel my face responding to my surroundings. Them? Anywhere they go they are at home, not a word or a look to make one think they are out of their element.

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Music and Art Monday: Why Create?

There are probably millions of people who paint out there. Millions more who write songs, and millions more than that who make some other kind of craft. Huge quantities of objects and notes are created and pumped into the world.

How much of this ends up dumped in trash cans or fireplaces or never heard again once that person is gone?

Several years ago I found an oil painting next to someone’s trash pile. It was slightly damaged but I felt compelled to save it. A search of the internet found the artist to be from Africa and active in the 70’s. He wasn’t well known but his art all had a particular style to it. I think my wife has since thrown the painting away.

Will my creations end up in someone’s trash? Will it ever make it onto someone’s wall who did not inherent it from my children? Will they even care to pass it on?

And what happens at the end of it all? Everything we have made will just burn away to dust. What’s the point of making anything if nothing is forever?

Everyone wants to make a legacy. We all want to be remembered for something after our physical presence is gone. We want to pass on something that we can be known for. That’s probably the most basic reason why we create.

We are also commanded to. Part of taking dominion of the earth as ordered in Genesis is making the world a more beautiful place. I think this is especially important in the world after the Fall. Sin has made the world an ugly place. Why not use our God given creativity to improve it and make it a little less miserable this side of eternity?

And speaking of eternity, wouldn’t it be cool if our works in this life were just a preparation for our works in the next? Maybe I’ll actually be a decent painter on the New Earth.

That would be fun.

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Daily Thoughts #65

“But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.” Titus 3:9 – I think most of the people I know on Facebook have somehow never come across this verse. Especially in Reformed Theology groups.

Speaking of quarrels, something I ate is not agreeing with me. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow I have died of dysentary.

I’m going to be an uncle again this week! Super excited!

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Daily Thoughts #64

Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?

Sorry, had to.

Rain came back. Made for a fairly unproductive day. Not for everyone else though. The sound of so many chainsaws makes me think it’s the start of firewood season.

I’m really kinda blank today.

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Daily Thoughts #63

I am not a fan of companies who say they are going to call you back about your issue and then hours later still have not held up their end of the bargain. Especially when I pay them a lot of money for their product.

Someone mentioned that Netflix was in hot water for child pornography. Of course I had to see what the hubbub was about. It’s not porn. Tasteless? Sure. Porn? No. Please people, stop distracting the DOJ and FBI from actual crime.

I’m grumpy today. Grump grump grump.

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