Godly Men Want Godly Women, With Or Without Tattoos, Virginity, or Debt

I mentioned the other day how I learned God’s grace doesn’t cover sin when seeking a spouse, along with two other wonderful lessons of the week. Since this one got the most traction around the world I figured I would cover it first.

There is a blogger (The Transformed Wife) out there who wrote a post insisting that young men prefer young women who have no tattoos, no debt, and no sexual experiences. I don’t really want to give her traffic, but here is a link if you really care to read it. There are many many posts on there that are cringe worthy, so be careful.

Now, on the face of it I won’t disagree with her. Every young godly man would prefer a perfectly sinless, spotless, unblemished young woman. He would prefer a woman who has not, does not, and never will sin. Every young man and every young woman wants a perfect spouse. And yes, God’s ways are the best ways. Christ wants us to avoid debt and promiscuity. Christ wants us to live lives free from sin.

However, the author’s standards go a bit beyond God’s standards. Christ didn’t expect a perfect bride. Christ did not come to die for a perfect spotless bride. Christ came to live and die in order to create a perfect bride.

Also, while it is true that a perfect spouse would not have debt or a promiscuous past (tattoos? Maybe, maybe not), these are not the only standards by which we should live by.

A debt free, tattoo-less virgin may still be a backbiting, slanderous gossip. She may have an unrighteous temper. She may abuse alcohol or drugs, She might not be a Christian at all. She could easily be a pagan, a Hindu, or a Muslim. To claim that a lack of three very specific things makes her the ideal is seriously blind to the reality of the fallen world in which we live in.

A tattooed, debt-ridden, (formerly) sexually active woman may be the most godly woman you ever meet. She may have had a rough past which left her with a few marks and scars, but now she is on fire for the Gospel. She may have committed egregious sins in the past, but now since God has saved her and changed her heart, she is able to fully grasp what grace is and is able to give it abundantly to her (potential) husband.

Sure, everyone would like a spouse without baggage. The ideal spouse would not have a past. He or she would not have the same struggles as a person with a rough history. But honestly, how many of those people are really out there? It is rare to find anyone without at least a few things in their past they aren’t proud of.

And when you do find that rare individual, are they really ideal? First off, are they really being honest that there is nothing they are ashamed of? That should throw up a red flag right there. Second, does a perfect history really create the kind of character that is able to withstand the hardships of a marriage? Can a person who has never done anything wrong truly understand grace enough to give it to an imperfect spouse?

Personally, I want a woman who has endured some hardship and has come out of it stronger. I want a woman who understands forgiveness and is able to both accept and give it. I don’t care if she has tattoos, debt, or a “pure” body, as long as her desire is to worship and follow Christ with all her heart, soul, spirit, mind, and body, I am quite happy to be with her.

Normally, I would pick a post like this apart bit by bit but this one is almost so ridiculous that I don’t know where to begin. This woman is a Pharisee. She takes the laws of God and adds her own laws. She insists that only those who follow her laws are Godly.

“Your posts sound crazy to anyone who does not believe the Bible is true.” Well, I and about a million others who believe the Bible is true still think your posts sound crazy. No. Not crazy. Just laden with your own man-made laws and standards. We think your insistence on cookie-cutter Christianity is pretty disgusting and probably not pleasing at all to the Lord.

Christ didn’t come for a perfect bride, Christ didn’t come to save “good” people. Christ saves a variety of souls from a variety of backgrounds, geographic locations, family situations, ethnicities, cultures, and dare I say denominations.

Marriage is a mirror of the Gospel. If Christ doesn’t have a preference for debt-free, tattoo-less, virgins, neither should we.

Daily Thoughts #26

Haynes manuals are great. But sometimes you find out there are some things that they don’t tell you. Like instead of just one sensor there are in fact two… After you took apart the motor.

Writing out your thoughts after a few beers is far more difficult than you would think…

Negativity is definitely creeping in today. I’m bumping up against some deadlines and when that is the case the stress levels definitely go right up…

Daily Thoughts #25

There are way too many things out there in the world that rile me up. Frequently I laugh and mock them, but as my wife has pointed out they are often not things to laugh about. There are people legitimately led astray or made to feel worthless by this stuff. Perhaps I should work on my approach.

I overslept today. I could have gotten up and worked out but that bed was way too comfortable. Pray that it doesn’t become a habit.

Lonely again. I get spoiled by the presence of my wife and the fellowship of people at church. Now I am back on the mountaintop. Mountain top experiences aren’t always what they are cracked up to be.

Music and Art Monday, July 23rd 2018: Angel of Needs

Here’s an ancient song of mine for you this week. Unfortunately, I have to external link to the video. (https://steemit.com/music/@driptorchpress/6865nqgg)

Go easy on me, it’s been easily 10 years since I played it last.

At least I can post the chords and lyrics here. The title and chorus come from a painting “Angel Of Needs” by Giles LeBlanc, seen above. I saw it in Nova Scotia when I was 12 and fell in love with it.

Angel of Needs

Intro and bridge: G Em C D7

(C)You’re just an angel (F) of needs,
(D)An angel sent (G) to me,
(Em)Maybe someday (Am) you’ll be, (Em)What you seem (Am) to be.

(C)You find it hard (D) to see,
(G) What I’ve (Em) realized,
(C)When I look (D) into your eyes,
(G)And I can see for (Am) miles and miles,
(G)And I can see (Em) your smile,
(C)You’re such (F) an angel (D) to me.

(Bridge x 2)

(C)Beautiful when I (D) look at you,
(G)How I see (Em) the skies,
(C)When I look (D) upon your face,
(G)I can’t see (Am) another, no others,
(G)But I can see in (Em) this place,
(C)Nothing but (F) the angel (D) for me.

(Bridge x 2)

(C)I know now how (D) to be alive,
(G)How to share (Em) your time,
(C)When I hold your (D) hand in mine,
(G)And I can feel your (Am) smiling heart,
(G)I can tell no (Em) other touch,
(C)That it compares (F) with the angel (D) for me.

(Bridge x 2)

(C)You make me (D) so at peace,
(G)How I love (Em) your warmth,
(C)When I hold you (D) close to me,
(G)And I can feel your (Am) laughing hands,
(G)I can feel no (Em) other hearts,
(C)As beautiful as (F) the angel’s (D) for me.

(C)You’re just an angel (F) of dreams,
(D)An angel meant (G) for me,
(Em)Maybe someday (Am) you’ll be,
(Em)The angel you want (Am) to be.

Daily Thoughts #23

Sick days are super long. But it’s still nice to have her home for another day. Even if she sleeps most of it.

Remind me not to jump into hiking with a full weight vest after more than a week of only hiking with a backpack.

Self-loathing is definitely worse than self-love.

Daily Thoughts #22

Fighting sucks. Whether it is with a friend, your kids, your spouse, you family, or yourself, it is never a pleasant experience.

Things I learned this week from the Interwebs: you shouldn’t love yourself because loving yourself is anti-biblical, you should only marry for what the other person can do for you, and grace is not sufficient to cover your sinful or otherwise colorful past, no matter what you do, if you have certain characteristics, no one will want you. All of these things have given me a lot of fat (crap) to chew on, so be expecting some rebuttals in the coming weeks.

Yes, this is late. On the rare day the wife gets a day off, we like to take advantage of it. That means the phone is frequently ignored. I love my readers (all two of you) but I love my wife more.

Whose-Fault Divorce

Men cheat.

Men fail.

Men don’t lead.

Men don’t sacrifice enough.

Men are pigs.

Men leave.

Lack of male leadership is what leads to unsubmissive and rebellious wives.

“Marriage, for the male especially, is not 50/50. Manhood doesn’t require her to scratch your back before you’ll scratch hers.”

There seems to be a prevailing attitude in the church and culture at large that marital failure sits largely in the laps of men. Men are the reason divorce is so rampant. Men are the reason marriages fall apart.

There is an attitude that when wives rebel it is the fault of weak-willed husbands. If only the man had been a strong hand in her life and given her a good reason to submit.

There is an idea that no matter what a woman does to her husband he is to bear it without any stumbling. He is to die completely to self, even if it means bearing up under abuse and abandonment. After all, Christ did it for His bride, right?

Before I ask “Where is the accountability for wives?” I also have to point out the obnoxious cultural and church attitudes towards women.

When your man strays it’s your fault because you didn’t fulfill his needs.

If your husband is abusive you need to just submit. Eventually you will win him over.

If your husband finds other women more attractive than you it’s probably because you let yourself go. It’s your job to keep up your image so he finds you desirable.

Where is the accountability in marriage?

Why do we insist on pointing fingers every direction when there is strife in marriage? Why can’t we accept the truth that marriage is a uniting of two sinful people who each bear a bit of guilt for the burdens of the relationship?

Women bear responsibility for their lack of submission. Men bear responsibility for their lack of headship.

One of my favorite things about the Bible’s marital instruction is that it is clear, concise, and aimed at both parties to the marriage contract. Neither party can rightly look at the instructions and say “that’s not fair!” And while there is certainly depth and breadth to the council, the words are plain as day and can be read as such. A husband can look at his words and actions and say “Are these loving?” and a wife can look at hers and ask “am I being submissive?”

Each marriage and each member of the marriage has the freedom to apply those concepts according to their own unique perspective and situation. The Bible is not bondage, unlike the laws of men. There is a freedom in the simple instruction of the Word that is not found in the rigid, strict dictates of men.

Most quotes and books about marriage are tilted one direction or the other when it comes to blame or responsibility. They read something like this “if your marriage is bad or in a rough patch it’s probably your fault. You’re not doing enough of this. If you were fulfilling your role precisely like you should, things wouldn’t be this bad.”

While there is nothing wrong with taking self-responsibility for your actions and making sure you are doing everything in your power to make the marriage work, there is no guarantee that if you do so your marriage will be great. There is still another person in the equation: A sinner, someone who likely does the marriage thing just as imperfectly as you do.

As a partner in a married team, you shouldn’t take all the blame for bad places in the marriage. Nor should you lay the blame completely at the feet of the other. You have your responsibility and he/she has his/hers. You do the right things and you help your spouse do theirs.

Bad marriages and divorce are everybody’s fault.

Daily Thoughts #21

I started reading “How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind: Dealing with Your House’s Dirty Little Secrets” by Dana White. I gotta say that woman is totally my wife. It explains so much. Give it a look, or visit her blog “A Slob Comes Clean“.

Sometimes it is super hard to keep up with the positivity. Like exhausting hard. But if you keep putting your thoughts in order and correcting the bad ones it is so worth it and it does eventually start getting easier.

Daily Thoughts #20

I got nothing. Or actually, I have a lot. Pinpointing particular thoughts can be difficult when one is overrun with them.

Right now I am trying to figure out why my neck hurts. Why am I so tired? I guess that one is obvious.

Why are people so puffed up on social media? Is social media a cause for arrogance or does it just attract arrogant people? So many people are on it, are so many people arrogant? Or do so many people just become corrupted by it?